Sunday, November 11, 2012
This evening I told the Lord that I was going to start a flowchart as recommended by Roy Sauzek at takehisheart.com and do my best to diligently record any things of the Spirit, even though I’m very uncertain how to correctly recognize things of the Spirit.
Part of my problem is that I seem to dream many odd dream fragments throughout the night, around and in the midst of my dreams. I’m often only half-conscious of them (like dreaming of having a conversation with someone while half-aware of unusual activity taking place through a window behind them). Then, when I wake up, I can’t seem to hold on to the fragments unless they stand out in some way, giving me something with which to strongly grab hold, or unless they take place last, right as I wake up.
Even if I could remember them all, I don’t know how to tell which are junk and which are important. Of course, the Lord knows my concern and I trust Him. So I am starting anyway.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Just before I woke up, I saw an orange on the left, half a grapefruit in a white, corelle bowl in the middle and a fruitless, grape stem, on the right, laying on a white, linen runner or folded tablecloth. I think this all was on top of a wooden table.
The scene was accompanied by the words, “Okay, now’s your chance, Mike.”
This dream fragment lingered long enough for me to study it. Then I immediately woke up. I don’t know anyone named Mike.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
This morning, while semi-awake I began mulling over the dream fragment from the morning before. I don’t yet know much about symbolism. But, after having absorbed some of the materials at takehisheart.com, I remembered reading that “left” can symbolize “physical” and “right” can symbolize “spiritual.” If this dream fragment pertains to me, the empty grape stem on the right might mean that I am producing no spiritual fruit. Yet, it also might mean that I am eating all the good spiritual food that is being given me. I then prayed that the Lord would teach me what this means in His timing.
As I lay their half-in, half-out of sleep, thinking about how my constantly noisy mind could be hindering the Lord, I recalled an experience I had during the worst time of my life…
Weeks before this experience, my wife had left me suddenly and without warning, and I was deeply hurting. She was supposed to come by that day to pick up something, and I had written her a note intended to manipulate her into showing at least some concern for me or remorse for having abandoned me.
Throughout those painful days, I could feel the Lord holding my hand, helping me through. Even after I wrote that note, He would not let go of my hand. However, He also said, “I will not allow efforts born of evil to bear any fruit.” I told Him that part of me really wanted this, and I could not let it go. But, another part of me knew it was wrong and wanted the Lord to remain stedfast, which He did.
My willful, stubborn, childish, rebellious insistence lasted all day, yet my wife never came. That evening I was finally able to let go, and in tears I thanked the Lord for holding fast with me. The very instant I ripped up that note the phone rang. It was my wife.
While remembering that experience I also recalled Moses striking the rock instead of speaking to it as the Lord had instructed. I realized that, similar to Moses, my giving in to “self” had hindered the Lord and took the entire day captive. I then prayed that the Lord would continue to teach me how to hear His voice clearly and to always obey Him immediately. Just at the end of that prayer I began to drift back to sleep…
For me, at the very point of transition into sleep, just at the edge of consciousness, reality breaks down and often my thoughts start making no sense as a dream begins to take over. I assume this is similar to senility or the affects of Alzheimer’s. If things get too odd too quickly, my awareness of it often wakes me up.
Even more common for me is the separation of my awareness from my five senses. During a dream I will be thinking about something or talking to someone while my eyes are totally unaware of what they are seeing, just the same as if I was day dreaming.
Both of these situations occurred simultaneously at this time. As I began to dream something, I was only half-aware of what I was seeing and doing. When I realized that what I was seeing and doing made no sense, I woke up…
I saw three empty, stainless steel bowls to my right. I grabbed the bowl closest to me, which was the left most bowl, and slid it to the left, positioning it directly in front of me. Then, I slowly rotated it as tears began to fall. I continued rotating the bowl until the entire inside surface of the bowl was completely coated with the tears. I then slid the bowl to my left and grabbed the next closest bowl to my right, the center bowl, and slid it directly in front of me, under the falling tears. I began rotating it also, coating its inside surface with the tears. I had coated less than half when I woke up. I think this scene took place on the same table as yesterday’s dream.
This scene was accompanied by the words, “Whispers, deadly whispers.”
I have prayed that God would keep the enemy out of my dreams, and that God would use my dreams for His purpose. But, what if the enemy has acquired rights? I’m asking the Lord to lead me into breaking any rights of the enemy.
Friday, November 16, 2012
while semi-awake I was thinking, about what I now can’t recall. Then I fell back to sleep and had just started to dream about something when I suddenly became aware that what my eyes were seeing was totally unrelated, which, of course, woke me up.
I saw a large refrigerated room where men were unloading bags of fruit from wooden crates brought in by forklifts. One man was carrying a bag of grapefruit when it broke open and some of the grapefruit began to fall onto the floor. Then, I woke up.
This scene was accompanied by the words, “It takes a chunk, a chunk in the earth.”
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
while semi-awake I was thinking about “truth” and how it varies according to each individual’s perspective (For example: “that’s too loud!” “No it’s not!” “That wasn’t scary at all.” “Oh, yes it was!” etc.) like how Goldilocks perceived the temperature of the porridge, hardness of the chairs and height of the beds in the children’s bedtime store Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
I then began to immediately day dream (which I seem to do all the time without hardly any awareness that I’m doing it). I imagined a group of people among whom a volunteer was being sought to perform a difficult task during which certain situations might be encountered that could be very scary for some people. The group was asked the question, “How many of you would be too terrified to perform this task?” Most in the group raised their hand. Then they were asked, “Who among you has any experience?” No one raised their hand. “Okay, who is not afraid and can also follow simple instructions?” I raised my hand and said “Although I might become startled or begin to feel fear, I know how to push it away and make myself follow exact instructions.” (At about this point the daydream began to turn into a dream. Daydreams are the mechanism that I use to fall asleep.) As I began walking toward the difficult task, I suddenly became aware of something out of place to my left which caused me to wake up.
I saw to my left four mailboxes placed horizontally very close to each other. I heard the words, “Add it to the list to question Me.” Then, I woke up.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Last night, as I was praying about brideship, I was fighting discouragement. I am entirely uncertain if I am able to hear the Lord’s voice clearly enough. I don’t know how to tell if I have the Holy Spirit in full measure. Do I Love the Lord with all my heart? How do I know? What does it feel like? I want very badly to learn how to sit at the Lord’s feet and wait on Him in silence. But, I seem to struggle greatly at trying not to think any thoughts, not to daydream and not to fall asleep (I am always very tired). I told the Lord that I will not give up, but that a little encouragement would be nice.
In the middle of the night, amid all the many dream fragments, I dreamt that someone was asking me to recall a specific date from the year before. I said, that was the day that I saw the last performance of a particular show. Instantly, I was no longer standing near the person, but was instead talking to them over the phone from an archive facility. The archivist handed me a ticket which revealed the date of the last performance as August 17, 2011.
As I examined the ticket, I saw on the left hand side a square of gold leaf. Stamped into the square, I saw the letters “GOD” and below them were some other letters which I didn’t understand. Someone then explained to me that the other letters were acronyms for “God Loves You” and “Jesus Was Here.” Then I woke up, and I felt encouraged.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Last night amid all my other dream fragments, I saw a computer screen. The only application window visible on the screen had a single button at the top, centered on the right hand half of the window. I couldn’t read the label on the button, but when I clicked on it, many different colored, square icons came out of it and fell like snow, disappearing beyond the bottom of the window. I then saw many, many more similar icons falling down from the top of the computer screen, behind the application window, heading in the direction of the button, as if to keep the button fully loaded with icons. I then understood that these icons were blessings which could only be released by clicking on the button. If I didn’t perform this action, the blessing could not be released. There were far more icons coming down into the button then were being released.
Just before six A.M. I dreamed that I was in an earthquake. I was sitting in a dark room with several other people, mostly children. I said, “Your will, Father.” I felt no concern.